Photo: istock

New Year, New Student

Maria Vint welcomes the new semester.

What day is it?

I realise that this is a question that is becoming less and less acceptable to be asking yourself after crawling out of bed at 2 pm, because everybody now seems to be getting their lives together. The Christmas tree is down, the selection boxes are almost completely finished and everybody is fresh-faced and rosy-cheeked, jogging through the streets, genuinely convincing themselves that they are enjoying being back at work because “it’s good to get back into a routine.” Yet here I am, watching my fourth movie of the day. And why not?

But this weird, post-festive limbo has to end somewhere. Even though we all admit that 2016 was a generally depressing and shocking year, we can’t wallow about it forever. It’s time for a fresh start, so bring on Brexit and Trump.

And as there is no better time to reinvent yourself than after New Year (or in the case of a St Andrews student who has spent the last month forgetting how to write essays – a month into it) I hereby present a complete guide on how to become the person you always wished University would turn you into.

Step 1: Mission a la Mode

It’s time for that radical new change of style you’ve always dreamed of. You can finally become hipster and cool. From now on you will drink your coffee black and wear stilettos. There has never been a better time to perfect dreadlocks or wear those colourful linen trousers. Fashion is an art and your body is the canvas. It’s finally time to start expressing your creativity and intelligence. Maybe you should start writing poetry too. You’ve always been a sensitive soul deep down.

Step 2: Society Stalker

You’ve always wanted to be the heavy-weight champion of the world. Why couldn’t you be the next Beyoncé? What’s stopping you from writing and directing your own plays? With a new semester comes the opportunity to finally be the productive and well rounded, interesting person you truly can be. It’s time to join some societies. And this time you have to actually go – not just awkwardly remain on the mailing list all year, avoiding politely requesting you be removed because, who knows, maybe one day you will actually attend.

This semester you will. Not only that, but you will be doing so as a productive, fit socialite. Have faith.

Step 3: Library Lovin’

The library is your new favourite place and studying is always fun. This term, you can get everything done well in advance and score solid 20’s. No more late-night cramming, not this semester. Your time at the library will now be spent studying hard and fixing the world. No more falling in love with the really hot person sitting across from you each day, perpetually suffering the heartbreak of the silent section.

Step 4: Sober and Orderly

Never again will a night be even moderately blurred to you. Eight messy bombs upon arrival at the Union, after having already spewed at pres, is no longer acceptable. Your body is a temple. No more Dervish. Bad decisions will therefore be avoided and life will become a bliss devoid of awkwardness and embarrassment. Instead, you shall politely sip wine and nibble on cheese whilst discussing foreign trade and all manner of important things. Better yet, you can stay home and perfect your newly acquired skills as obtained by Step 2. Perhaps prepare a vegan dinner and do some yoga. You ARE the picture of health.

But as fun as this all sounds, perhaps deep down maybe it’s just the disappointment of 2016 that’s left you longing for change. But let’s have hope that 2017 is going to be a productive year! Only a few days left until the dead streets of St Andrews fill up again.

… Help.

Comments

comments

3,898 thoughts on “New Year, New Student

  1. Pingback: immediate edge
  2. Pingback: dumps shop
  3. Pingback: Tow Truck Omaha ND
  4. Pingback: More information
  5. Have you ever heard of second life (sl for short). It is essentially a online game where you can do anything you want. sl is literally my second life (pun intended lol). If you want to see more you can see these second life articles and blogs

  6. Have you ever heard of second life (sl for short). It is essentially a online game where you can do anything you want. SL is literally my second life (pun intended lol). If you want to see more you can see these second life authors and blogs

  7. Have you ever heard of second life (sl for short). It is essentially a video game where you can do anything you want. SL is literally my second life (pun intended lol). If you would like to see more you can see these second life websites and blogs

  8. Have you ever heard of second life (sl for short). It is basically a online game where you can do anything you want. sl is literally my second life (pun intended lol). If you want to see more you can see these Second Life authors and blogs

  9. Have you ever heard of second life (sl for short). It is essentially a online game where you can do anything you want. Second life is literally my second life (pun intended lol). If you want to see more you can see these Second Life websites and blogs

  10. Have you ever heard of second life (sl for short). It is essentially a video game where you can do anything you want. SL is literally my second life (pun intended lol). If you want to see more you can see these sl articles and blogs

  11. Have you ever heard of second life (sl for short). It is basically a game where you can do anything you want. Second life is literally my second life (pun intended lol). If you want to see more you can see these Second Life authors and blogs

  12. Have you ever heard of second life (sl for short). It is basically a video game where you can do anything you want. SL is literally my second life (pun intended lol). If you would like to see more you can see these second life websites and blogs

  13. Have you ever heard of second life (sl for short). It is basically a game where you can do anything you want. SL is literally my second life (pun intended lol). If you would like to see more you can see these sl authors and blogs

  14. Have you ever heard of second life (sl for short). It is basically a video game where you can do anything you want. sl is literally my second life (pun intended lol). If you want to see more you can see these Second Life authors and blogs

  15. I don’t even know how I ended up here, however I thought this publish was great.

    I do not recognize who you might be however certainly you are going
    to a well-known blogger for those who aren’t already.
    Cheers!

  16. I was curious if you ever considered changing the page layout of yoyr blog?
    Its very well written; I love whuat youve got
    too say. But maybe you could a little more in the way of content soo people could connet
    with it better. Youve got an awful lot of text for only having 1 or two images.

    Maybe you could space it out better?

  17. I really like your blog.. very nice colors & theme.
    Did you make this website yourself or did you hire someone
    to do it for you? Plz reply as I’m looking to
    construct my own blog and would like to know where u got this from.
    cheers

  18. Have you ever heard of second life (sl for short). It is essentially a video game where you can do anything you want. Second life is literally my second life (pun intended lol). If you want to see more you can see these second life authors and blogs

  19. Pingback: 쿠쿠티비
  20. 해외배팅사이트
    해외스포츠배팅사이트
    해외배팅사이트에이전시
    해외배팅사이트주소
    해외배팅사이트도메인
    머니라인247
    황룡카지노
    핀벳88
    피나클
    스보벳
    맥스벳
    BTI SPORTS
    에볼루션카지노
    해외온라인카지노
    파워볼
    엔트리파워볼
    토토사이트
    스포츠사이트

    해외배팅사이트_https://spo337.com/
    해외스포츠배팅사이트_https://spo337.com/
    해외배팅사이트에이전시_https://spo337.com/
    해외배팅사이트주소_https://spo337.com/
    해외배팅사이트도메인_https://spo337.com/
    머니라인247_https://spo337.com/ml247/
    황룡카지노_https://spo337.com/gdcasino/
    핀벳88_https://spo337.com/pinbet88/
    피나클_https://spo337.com/pinbet88/
    스보벳_https://spo337.com/sbobet/
    맥스벳_https://spo337.com/maxbet/
    BTI SPORTS_https://spo337.com/btisports/
    에볼루션카지노_https://spo337.com/evolutioncasino/
    해외온라인카지노_https://spo337.com/onlinecasino/
    파워볼_https://spo337.com/category/powerball/
    엔트리파워볼_https://spo337.com/category/powerball/
    토토사이트_https://spo337.com/category/sports-site/
    스포츠사이트_https://spo337.com/category/sports-site/

  21. 해외배팅사이트
    해외스포츠배팅사이트
    해외배팅사이트에이전시
    해외배팅사이트주소
    해외배팅사이트도메인
    머니라인247
    황룡카지노
    핀벳88
    피나클
    스보벳
    맥스벳
    BTI SPORTS
    에볼루션카지노
    해외온라인카지노
    파워볼
    엔트리파워볼
    토토사이트
    스포츠사이트

    해외배팅사이트_https://spo337.com/
    해외스포츠배팅사이트_https://spo337.com/
    해외배팅사이트에이전시_https://spo337.com/
    해외배팅사이트주소_https://spo337.com/
    해외배팅사이트도메인_https://spo337.com/
    머니라인247_https://spo337.com/ml247/
    황룡카지노_https://spo337.com/gdcasino/
    핀벳88_https://spo337.com/pinbet88/
    피나클_https://spo337.com/pinbet88/
    스보벳_https://spo337.com/sbobet/
    맥스벳_https://spo337.com/maxbet/
    BTI SPORTS_https://spo337.com/btisports/
    에볼루션카지노_https://spo337.com/evolutioncasino/
    해외온라인카지노_https://spo337.com/onlinecasino/
    파워볼_https://spo337.com/category/powerball/
    엔트리파워볼_https://spo337.com/category/powerball/
    토토사이트_https://spo337.com/category/sports-site/
    스포츠사이트_https://spo337.com/category/sports-site/

  22. Pingback: webdesign96
  23. I do not know if it’s just me or if perhaps everyone else encountering issues with your site.
    It seems like some of the text within your content are running off the screen.
    Can someone else please comment and let me know if
    this is happening to them too? This could be a issue with my web browser because I’ve had this happen previously.
    Many thanks

    Feel free to surf to my page – 온라인카지노

  24. Hey there, I think your blog might be having browser compatibility issues.
    When I look at your website in Safari, it looks fine
    but when opening in Internet Explorer, it has some overlapping.
    I just wanted to give you a quick heads up! Other
    then that, wonderful blog!

    Also visit my website: 온라인카지노

  25. First off I want to say terrific blog! I had a quick question in which I’d like to ask if you do
    not mind. I was curious to know how you center yourself
    and clear your mind prior to writing. I’ve had a difficult time clearing my mind in getting my thoughts out there.
    I do enjoy writing however it just seems like the first 10
    to 15 minutes tend to be lost just trying to figure
    out how to begin. Any suggestions or tips? Cheers!

    My blog post … 온라인카지노

  26. I loved as much as you’ll receive carried out right here.
    The sketch is tasteful, your authored subject matter stylish.
    nonetheless, you command get bought an nervousness over that you wish be delivering the
    following. unwell unquestionably come more formerly again as exactly the same nearly
    very often inside case you shield this increase.

    Also visit my page 온라인카지노

  27. You really make it seem so easy along with your presentation but
    I find this topic to be actually something that I
    feel I would never understand. It kind of feels too complex and extremely
    vast for me. I’m taking a look ahead to your subsequent publish, I’ll
    attempt to get the grasp of it!

    Also visit my page – 온라인카지노

  28. Excellent items from you, man. I have be mindful your stuff previous to
    and you are just extremely excellent. I really like what you’ve
    bought here, certainly like what you are stating and the
    way in which in which you are saying it. You make it enjoyable
    and you continue to care for to keep it wise. I can not wait to read much more from you.
    That is really a wonderful site.

    my homepage; 온라인카지노

  29. Can I just say what a relief to find someone who truly knows what
    they’re talking about on the net. You certainly realize how to bring an issue to light
    and make it important. A lot more people need to look at this and understand this side of the story.

    It’s surprising you’re not more popular since you surely possess the gift.

    Here is my web blog: 온라인카지노

  30. Howdy! This is kind of off topic but I need some help from
    an established blog. Is it difficult to set up your own blog?
    I’m not very techincal but I can figure things out pretty quick.
    I’m thinking about making my own but I’m not sure where to start.
    Do you have any points or suggestions? Cheers

    Look at my blog post … 온라인카지노

  31. Right here is the perfect website for anyone who really wants to understand this topic.
    You realize so much its almost hard to argue with you (not
    that I really would want to…HaHa). You certainly put a fresh
    spin on a topic which has been written about for ages.
    Excellent stuff, just wonderful!

    Here is my site – 온라인카지노

  32. I have to thank you for the efforts you have put in writing this site.
    I’m hoping to check out the same high-grade blog posts by you later on as well.
    In truth, your creative writing abilities has motivated me
    to get my own, personal site now 😉

    Feel free to visit my web-site … 온라인카지노