Give Me Tennent’s or Give Me Death

Maxence Fulconis recaps the saga of Vitamin T.

As students returned to classes in September, some were looking forwards to a new year of hall foods, Dervish nights and Cromar’s fish and chips. Others were ecstatic to return to the Union and drink Tennent’s – “Scotland’s finest lager,” according to student Will Abell.

However, as they found their way to the bar and ordered their lager, they were told that, outrageously, Coors beer had replaced their beloved Tennent’s on the menu. Deeply angered by a change in what they consider “an absolute cornerstone to student life,” students Thomas Coombe and the aforementioned Will Abell set up an online petition in order to right this wrong. This climactic event was seen by many as an act of war in the fight for human rights.

Thomas and a few fellow drinkers created the Tennent’s Lager Appreciation Society, stating that “The student body of St Andrews is still shaken from the decision to remove Tennent’s from our Union. This is a tolerant university but some decisions cannot be taken lying down. The newly formed Tennent’s Lager Appreciation Society will not rest until Tennent’s is back on the menu.”

The Association, in a controlling, dictatorial fashion, did not even seem to notice the TLAS, choosing to refuse the society’s plea for justice.

The revolutionaries carried on with their crusade, backed by Tennent’s themselves, who sent a large amount of beer to the students to aid them in their war. Mr Abell, stated that “[Tennent’s] expressed a great desire to help us in the campaign to get our beloved T back in the Union. Throwing their weight behind our campaign is great for us and, as one of the Tennent’s representatives pointed out, it’s restored his faith in student petitions. We’re very thankful for their support in our campaign”.

But rather than reinstating Tennent’s as the Union’s lager of choice, the overconfident tyrants of the Students’ Union has refused to allow the infant society to affiliate with the Union, in a shocking act of ham-fisted oppression.

As the entirety of the student body is forced to deal with the consequences of actions taken by the  an out-of-touch bureaucratic elite in the Students’ Union, many have realised that not just beer, but also individual freedom is at stake in this increasingly troubled world. The Students’ Association of St Andrews, without a doubt using the current worldwide political turmoil as a guise, have chosen to ignore the pleas of the masses, the call for Tennent’s by those discerning enough to see right from wrong, in order to entrap our liberties with tasteless brews. By refusing to recognise a society based on love of an incredible, Scottish lager, St Andrews has placed all of our individual rights in peril.

We must not allow this travesty to continue any longer. As students, we must all take back our freedoms and march at once to demand the return of our beloved Tennent’s to the Union and the right of students to assemble under the great T banner. 

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