Happy Steak & Blowjob Day: a 21st Century Valentine’s

As March flies by with an eclectic mix of strikes and deadlines, Valentine’s Day seems to be relegated to a distant memory. For the couples among us, you may be able to remember a romantic meal, a film or an adult slumber party that made the day particularly special. For the singletons, it was more likely spent consuming discounted chocolates and watching reruns of Friends (I’m sure it can’t just be me). But no matter what your relationship status, there is a new day coming up that hasn’t quite gained the acclaim of its more refined cousin: Steak and Blowjob day. Haven’t heard of it? Then this article is for you.

According to the irrefutable facts offered by Wikipedia, Steak and Blowjob day is celebrated on the 14th of March and was initially conceived as a male response to Valentine’s Day. As if the name doesn’t provide enough clues as to what the day is about, women are supposed to cook a steak for their other halves and then proceed to serve something a little different as a second course. Since then, the day has often been dismissed as little more than a meme. However, it has clearly become sufficiently well-known for someone like me, who isn’t exactly the first to spot relevant cultural developments, to have recently been informed of its existence.

It is easy to feel somewhat uncomfortable about a day which is quite as explicit in its requirements as this one. While Valentine’s Day has its roots in Christian history and uses classical Latin iconography to celebrate romantic ideals, Steak and Blowjob day doesn’t give off the same vibes. Instead, it comes across as highly androcentric and, depending on the regularity of one’s steak-eating or fellatio-related encounters, rather gratuitous too. It seems as if this is just another thing for men to hijack, not too dissimilar from ongoing calls to make ‘meninism’ a thing (side note: meninism will never be a thing). So why have Steak and Blowjob day at all?

On the other hand, what reason is there not to have it? Aside from the androcentric nature of the day, it really might not be as problematic as it seems. Everybody likes steak. Everybody likes blowjobs. Apart from vegetarians and lesbians, which I’m told, despite popular misconceptions, are groups of people that don’t always overlap. Like any day, there’s no need to celebrate it if you don’t want to. In addition, there is also a more female-inclusive alternative on the 14th of April: Cake and Cunnilingus Day. It is yet to be seen whether this will take off either but, if Steak and Blowjob Day becomes mainstream, there is little doubt that calls for reciprocal festivities will also increase.

In addition, people are actually using these days to do something good. Steak and Blowjob Day has previously been successful in raising money for breast cancer research whereas as Cake and Cunnilingus Day is aimed at supporting charities that combat prostate cancer. Perhaps the idea of giving pleasure may extend to giving something more profound to the opposite sex. Despite the undoubtedly laddish overtones of Steak and Blowjob Day, it does have the potential to accomplish something even more worthwhile than the already-ambitious task it sets out to do.

In conclusion, I do not think Steak and Blowjob Day will ever have quite the same cultural appeal as Valentine’s. It is hard to imagine seeing cards of cherubs shooting anything other than arrows while strolling through the aisles of Paperchase. However, Steak and Blowjob Day may have legs (so to speak). If it can be used to raise money for important causes in a way more enjoyable than running up and down West Sands for hours on end, then perhaps it is more wholesome and worthwhile than at first it seems.

So here’s to steak, blowjobs and charity! And hoping my parents never get a chance to read this. I’ll ask around for pseudonyms.

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