So, here’s the thing. I really didn’t want to have to be the guy complaining about the current weather. I don’t even dislike the sun that much – I’m a runner, after all. And I have to admit, it was quite nice today, sitting studying in Sallies Quad rather than the library, enjoying the weather, watching that most common of University clichés becoming real, as groups of multicultural friends sat on the grass together with books and laptops. What kind of killjoy would want to write six hundred words about that?
I think you can guess the answer to that rhetorical question. What might not be entirely self-evident, however, is that this is all your fault. Why? Well, let’s put it this way. Think back to the conversations you’ve had over the last couple of days. How many of them have involved the weather? Most of them, I’d imagine. Possibly all of them. But why? Having a few days of sunshine in the middle of spring isn’t exactly remarkable, is it? The same thing happens every year, and every year people think the (perfectly normal, natural, and unremarkable) cycle the weather goes in is something that needs to be analysed and dissected. And ok, sure, I guess I understand that this good weather might come as something as a relief after the mini Ice-Age we had only (believe it or not) last month. But still guys. I’m from Glasgow, the town that is to miserable weather what St Andrews is to unnafordable real estate. If I can manage to contain my excitement at the yellow burny thing in the sky having escaped from the wet grey things that usually hide it, so can you.
Now, I get what you’re thinking. That even by the standards of student opinion journalism, this is petty. Why would someone, presumably with multiple demands on his time (which I really wish I hadn’t reminded myself of), spend 600 words ranting about this?
Well, put it this way. The average person in Britain has 27 conversations every day. Let’s say that each of these conversations lasts 20 minutes. Let’s say that you discuss the weather for just 5 of those minutes. That means, that over the space of a year, you’ll have spent over 821 hours talking about the weather. Pretty bad, right? It gets worse. There are 10,330 students at St Andrews. That means that over the space of a year, this vapid, inane topic of discussion takes up over eighty million hours of our collective time. Eighty million hours. Aren’t we meant to be the best and brightest minds of our generation? Just think what we could achieve in that time. That’s enough time to reverse global warming, discover all the secrets of the Universe, land someone on mars and figure out the true identity of the St Memedrews Admin. Really makes you think, doesn’t it?
So stop talking about the weather, and instead start talking about the stuff that matters. At best, it’ll catapult us forwards into a beautiful utopia of infinite progress. At worst, it’ll at least put a stop to stupid articles like this one. Either way, you can thank me later.