Dear November: please piss off.
An open letter to the month of November.
Please – piss off.
My mornings have now become an extension of my nights. No longer can I look forward to the gleam of sun rays as I awaken at the god awful time of 7 am to make it to my early morning extravaganza on Roman literature. Now, I have to fight the encompassing darkness that blankets my room and remove myself from the warm embrace of my bed to face the unforgiving temperatures of an unheated room.
To make matters worse, you are ensuring that I barely see daylight. With a hectic schedule of deadlines meaning I am imprisoned in the library for all hours, I only emerge for the occasional stimulating lecture – but that’s it. A 4 pm lecture means you treasure the sole sliver of daylight you receive on the way to it but can perceive your mood gradually declining over the course of the hour, following the path of the sun as day turns to night, until you are squinting at your notes, trying to see if you wrote down Vitruvius or Vesuvius. It then follows that you trudge home in darkness, mourning the daylight that meant you could actually see more than five metres in front of your face.
And let’s not forget, the sheer lack of anything to enjoy in November. What do you have? Halloween was the end of October, a day we are all well past and either remember with fondness, or don’t remember at all, (but are sure it was a great time, anyway). Bonfire Night – a magical evening of fire and celebration on the 5th. Yay, you would think, before remembering the absolute lack of local firework displays or alternatively, the lack of room to set off private fireworks. You may have received a sparkler, if you were lucky.
Our American students have their Thanksgiving – with many of our other international students also possibly celebrating similar Thanksgiving or Harvest festivals in November. Our British and Scottish contingent, as well as other nationalities, are left bereft of these festivities. But these are hardly sufficient! Even if you receive the boon of these holidays, they are one day – one lonely, measly day of celebration in a month empty of activity and excitement. What is a frustrated, procrastinating student meant to do?
You are also encouraging the bane of my existence. Now that Halloween is done, the commercial capitalist society that is modern-day Britain has now decided to infect the shops with an assortment of Christmas goods. I’m not a Grinch. I love Christmas. But it is November. We are currently more than a month away from Christmas. Aldi has already dedicated a section to frozen Christmas party food, along with arranging an assortment of Christmas chocolate for offer on their shelves. Tesco now stocks Christmas cards and advent calendars that stare accusingly at me as I walk past. I reiterate – it is more than a month till Christmas. Ask yourself – is that calendar really going to be there on December 1st? Or will you have succumbed by then?
Be honest, we all know the answer.
At least the shops haven’t deigned to start up the Christmas music yet. A good Christmas song is enjoyable. But after listening to the same songs over and over for 20 years, it can be a bit much. At this time in the year, the use of normal songs in the shops would be a blessing, if the Christmas cheer hadn’t already infected my friends. Already, they have proceeded to exclaim their excitement through the copious playing of the old favourites: a bit of Bublé there, a Silent Night over here, the classic Fairy-tale of New York again. And again. And yet again. What have I done to deserve this?
I don’t blame them though.
It’s you, November. You are doing this.
You have created a month that is bare and depressing. You have created the need to fill the monotonous, cold, dark existence that is living through November with false enthusiasm and cheer.
Step it up, November. Get a grip! Try something new, bold and exciting!
But until you can, please piss off and let me have a nap. This darkness is making me terribly sleepy…
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