Beware the Invisible Conservative

By Opinion Editor 5 years ago

How to spot an invisible Conservative

This announcement wishes to inform St Andrews students of a growing and worrying trend currently occurring in the town: the presence of the invisible conservatives. Although the following information may cause concern, please do not panic. Instead, read on and equip yourselves with the knowledge of how to spot such a specimen and how to deal with one if they are uncovered. 

What is an Invisible Conservative?

At first glance, there is nothing visually distinct about an invisible conservative. They often wear similar clothes to the public and conduct themselves in an orderly an inconspicuous way. This makes them fiendishly difficult to identify. However, do not be fooled by this appearance. Underneath a veneer of normality, the invisible conservative holds radical views including, but not limited to:

  • Unquestioning belief in free markets and limited government
  • Support for the military and nuclear defence capabilities
  • Support for Brexit and/or Trump (usually dependent on whether they are the British or American variety)

There are other beliefs that an invisible conservative may hold, many of which are too inflammatory to be included in this announcement. We do not recommend you study them yourselves. Research on various conservative viewpoints is a known form of contamination and is to be avoided at all costs. 

Photo: Flickr

How to Identify an Invisible Conservative 

Despite their attempts to assimilate visually into the student body, there are some reliable techniques to identify who is, and is not, a part of this movement.  

First, if an individual is not white, they are unlikely to be an invisible conservative. Melanin is a known source of socially acceptable views so, in the rare occurrence of meeting a non-white individual in St Andrews, it is safe to presume they are not a threat. Second, if an individual is a member of the LGBT community, they cannot be an invisible conservative. Sexuality is intrinsically linked to political ideology and the presence of same-sex attraction nulls any ability to stray from acceptable viewpoints. 

Contrary to common belief, women can be invisible conservatives. This is because they forget they are women and betray their own kind in favour of patriarchal and oppressive capitalist systems. White women are particularly susceptible and are the most dangerous, due to their inconvenient ability to vote.

If you have reason to believe that an individual is an invisible conservative, it is a good idea to make a broad, politically correct statement in a social setting. Try making disparaging remarks about Trump or Brexit voters or the universally welcomed, ‘I hate conservatives!’ If the individual responds with firm and vocal support, they have tested negative for conservatism. If however, they appear quiet and uncomfortable, they are most likely an invisible conservative. Symptoms of their condition will include awkward laughter, sweating and a strong desire to change the topic of conversation. 

Photo: Flickr

How to Deal with an Invisible Conservative

If someone tests positive for the above symptoms, avoid directly asking them about their political beliefs. This could risk exposure to toxic views or accelerate their condition into the one thing worse than an invisible conservatism: visible conservatism. Instead, assume that they are indeed an invisible conservative. 

There is no known cure for this condition, but there are certain precautions that limit the influence of invisible conservatives in society. It is recommended that you surround the suspect and poke them repeatedly with a large pointy stick (the more people doing this simultaneously, the better) while using strong language to demean their intelligence, compassion and overall judgement. This is humane treatment as, due to their lack of a soul, the invisible conservative is unable to feel pain. However, repeated poking should persuade them to flee society, cleansing the student body of their pernicious influence and dangerous views. 

If you feel that you are becoming an invisible conservative, it is important to take action as quickly as possible. Surround yourself with only your most liberal of friends or, better yet, take part in St Andrews’ own de-radicalisation course: An Introduction to Social Anthropology. 

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    Several famous brands prioritize COSC certification for their timepieces, including Rolex, Omega, Breitling, and Longines, among others. Longines, for instance, presents collections like the Archive and Spirit, which showcase COSC-validated movements equipped with advanced substances like silicone balance suspensions to improve resilience and efficiency.

    Historic Background and the Evolution of Chronometers
    The concept of the chronometer dates back to the need for accurate chronometry for navigational at sea, emphasized by John Harrison’s work in the 18th century. Since the official foundation of COSC in 1973, the accreditation has become a benchmark for assessing the accuracy of high-end watches, continuing a legacy of superiority in watchmaking.

    Conclusion
    Owning a COSC-validated timepiece is more than an visual selection; it’s a dedication to quality and precision. For those valuing precision above all, the COSC accreditation provides peace of mind, guaranteeing that each validated timepiece will operate reliably under various conditions. Whether for individual satisfaction or as an investment decision, COSC-validated watches distinguish themselves in the world of horology, carrying on a legacy of meticulous timekeeping.

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  194. The very next time I read a blog, I hope that it won’t disappoint me as much as this one. I mean, I know it was my choice to read, however I genuinely believed you would probably have something useful to say. All I hear is a bunch of complaining about something that you could possibly fix if you weren’t too busy seeking attention.

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  203. Nihai Dönemsel En Gözde Casino Sitesi: Casibom

    Casino oyunlarını sevenlerin artık duymuş olduğu Casibom, en son dönemde adından genellikle söz ettiren bir şans ve oyun web sitesi haline geldi. Türkiye’nin en mükemmel kumarhane web sitelerinden biri olarak tanınan Casibom’un haftalık bazda cinsinden değişen erişim adresi, sektörde oldukça yenilikçi olmasına rağmen itimat edilir ve kazanç sağlayan bir platform olarak ön plana çıkıyor.

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    Casibom’un güvenilir bir bahis platformu olması da önemli bir artı getiriyor. Ruhsatlı bir platform olan Casibom, sürekli bir şekilde eğlence ve kazanç sağlama imkanı sağlar.

    Casibom’a kullanıcı olmak da oldukça kolaydır. Herhangi bir belge gereksinimi olmadan ve ücret ödemeden siteye rahatça üye olabilirsiniz. Ayrıca, platform üzerinde para yatırma ve çekme işlemleri için de birçok farklı yöntem mevcuttur ve herhangi bir kesim ücreti alınmamaktadır.

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  212. I’m not that much of a online reader to be honest but your blogs really nice, keep it up! I’ll go ahead and bookmark your site to come back in the future. All the best

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  218. Nihai Zamanın En Büyük Gözde Bahis Sitesi: Casibom

    Casino oyunlarını sevenlerin artık duymuş olduğu Casibom, son dönemde adından çoğunlukla söz ettiren bir bahis ve kumarhane platformu haline geldi. Ülkemizin en başarılı kumarhane web sitelerinden biri olarak tanınan Casibom’un haftalık olarak göre değişen açılış adresi, sektörde oldukça taze olmasına rağmen güvenilir ve kazandıran bir platform olarak ön plana çıkıyor.

    Casibom, yakın rekabeti olanları geride bırakıp eski kumarhane web sitelerinin üstünlük sağlamayı başarıyor. Bu pazarda köklü olmak önemli olsa da, oyunculardan etkileşimde olmak ve onlara temasa geçmek da aynı derecede değerli. Bu noktada, Casibom’un gece gündüz servis veren gerçek zamanlı destek ekibi ile kolayca iletişime ulaşılabilir olması önemli bir artı getiriyor.

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    Ayrıca, hem spor bahisleri hem de kumarhane oyunlar katılımcılara yönlendirilen sunulan yüksek yüzdeli avantajlı bonuslar da ilgi çekiyor. Bu nedenle, Casibom kısa sürede piyasada iyi bir pazarlama başarısı elde ediyor ve büyük bir katılımcı kitlesi kazanıyor.

    Casibom’un kazandıran promosyonları ve popülerliği ile birlikte, platforma üyelik ne şekilde sağlanır sorusuna da bahsetmek gereklidir. Casibom’a taşınabilir cihazlarınızdan, bilgisayarlarınızdan veya tabletlerinizden tarayıcı üzerinden rahatça ulaşılabilir. Ayrıca, platformun mobil uyumlu olması da büyük bir avantaj sunuyor, çünkü şimdi pratikte herkesin bir akıllı telefonu var ve bu telefonlar üzerinden hızlıca ulaşım sağlanabiliyor.

    Taşınabilir cep telefonlarınızla bile yolda canlı bahisler alabilir ve maçları canlı olarak izleyebilirsiniz. Ayrıca, Casibom’un mobil uyumlu olması, ülkemizde kumarhane ve casino gibi yerlerin meşru olarak kapatılmasıyla birlikte bu tür platformlara girişin önemli bir yolunu oluşturuyor.

    Casibom’un itimat edilir bir casino web sitesi olması da gereklidir bir avantaj sağlıyor. Belgeli bir platform olan Casibom, kesintisiz bir şekilde keyif ve kar sağlama imkanı getirir.

    Casibom’a abone olmak da oldukça basittir. Herhangi bir belge şartı olmadan ve ücret ödemeden web sitesine kolayca abone olabilirsiniz. Ayrıca, site üzerinde para yatırma ve çekme işlemleri için de çok sayıda farklı yöntem mevcuttur ve herhangi bir kesim ücreti talep edilmemektedir.

    Ancak, Casibom’un güncel giriş adresini takip etmek de önemlidir. Çünkü gerçek zamanlı şans ve casino platformlar popüler olduğu için yalancı siteler ve dolandırıcılar da görünmektedir. Bu nedenle, Casibom’un sosyal medya hesaplarını ve güncel giriş adresini düzenli olarak kontrol etmek önemlidir.

    Sonuç, Casibom hem güvenilir hem de kar getiren bir casino sitesi olarak dikkat çekiyor. Yüksek bonusları, kapsamlı oyun alternatifleri ve kullanıcı dostu taşınabilir uygulaması ile Casibom, kumarhane hayranları için ideal bir platform sunuyor.

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