An Honest Proposal: Why Guinea Pigs Should Rule the World (And What if They Did)
Isabelle offers a view of a world dominated by guinea pigs, where peace, prosperity and carrots reign supreme.
Recently, I was up in a bout of insomnia, ruminating over the chaotic reel of news from the day… that is, when all of a sudden, I was visited by an apparition of my own two childhood guinea pigs (R.I.P.), retrieving those long-forgotten feelings which still lay buried in my soul toward them (this never happened – I just thought the image of ghostly guinea pigs drifting toward me in the dark would be funny). This brought me to an excellent, very relevant idea – with all the crazy events happening in the world, what if guinea pigs ruled the world?
I can attest: Guinea pigs are cute, loveable creatures – whether I used them as a flex to raise my social status anytime I had a friend over, or as a means of quiet delight whenever one such pig decided to seek asylum from the confines of her cage so as to raise the decibels of the house by more than a few notches, these furry, albeit vicious, creatures certainly spread cheer by the unending (I swear) trails of their *beep* and in nipping your finger whenever they “feel like it” (they personally told me that).
No, I don’t hold a grudge toward my deceased guinea pigs – I’m just being honest. Nevertheless, there are still a few lessons that can be gained from the world of the ever-squeaking guinea pig; but first, to set the scene: what if guinea pigs, indeed, replaced people as kings of the animal kingdom?
Imagine: Times Square, New York City – it’s buzzing, it’s electric. You look out across at the billboards – what do you see? Why, it’s a guinea pig, completing a somersault in a campaign for ZARA, with a carrot-printed graphic tee! Across the Atlantic, another vision – of a guinea pig extending its itty paw toward its Guinea-God, surrounded by a holy retinue of winged, guinea pup cherubs, on the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel. This painting has become an iconic work of art studied in classrooms worldwide, alongside verses like “wherefore art thou Piggy-omeo?”, and historical events like Guinea-ghis Kahn’s rise to power in the year ACP 1206 (for Anno Cavia Porcellus, of course). Sometimes Zoomer guinea pigs like to catch up over a smoky-straw flavored vape sesh outside the local convenience store “Nibble ‘N’ Wiggle”, where they’ll discuss climate advocate Greta Ice-berg-lettuce who, with a puny paw raised at the camera lens and a beady eye bulging out with quiet might, bravely told the UN that day “how dare you!” (shrieks and squeals abounding).
As you can see, the possibilities for this “Guinea-topia” are, simply, endless in the imagination. But as amusing as it is for me to imagine the facade of such a world, I’m convinced that the dynamics underlying these moments of time and history would look somewhat different from that of our own society.
To understand the logistics of such dynamics, let’s take some lessons in “Porcellogy”: a world dominated by these waddling balls of fur would surely be defined by more cooperation and acceptance. After all, guinea pigs only have three goals: eat, sleep, repeat (same). Actually, that was quite ignorant – guinea pigs do have other necessities, but perhaps most notably, desire our same sense of connection and community; however, tell me, honestly… do you really expect to stumble across (you never know) a mob of guinea pigs ganging up against Suzie Snickerdoodle for swiping the last orange slice? I think not; gossip, prejudice, and hate have, quite frankly, no room in the world of the humble mountain pig, who only cares about befriending more humble mountain pigs in order to, straightforwardly, collab, partition resources, and cuddle in underground burrows (or, if you’re the more urban type, a plastic igloo). Who cares to hold a grudge when your chew toy, glittering in the single shard of light from your bratty ten year old care-taker’s musty window, is too enticing to pay such petty attentions as to that sorry orange slice.
Furthermore, the lifestyle of a guinea pig is not suited for human intellectualising or politicising. Who cares about how airplanes can lift off the ground (the aerodynamic will of God?) or why a leader would joust against half the world for a square inch of territory (Napoleon complex + mommy issues?) when you can just roll about your luscious meadows of hay with your fellow piggy-pals and gals in blank-eyed peace and harmony.
I should emphasize: I don’t mean to undermine these human habits. For one, gossip has even been considered to promote our evolution (not that it should be done without consideration), and intellectualizing leads to such innovations as life-saving medicines. Wars and other man-made catastrophes are, also, not to be taken light-hearted, as the effects, of course, are absolutely devastating for a majority peace-seeking population. Rather, by even substituting guinea pigs for people, we can derive a satirical view of the complexities of our own society and highlight means for more compassionate approaches and balanced ways of living. Guinea pigs are such adorable, gentle creatures. Whether observed in the wild or as domesticated pets, guinea pigs, likewise to other pets, display valuable lessons about empathy and connection. They are blind to what their fellow piggies might look like or seem like, seeking to live in mutual solidarity and bring affection to those around them. In the end, from the hallowed streets of Guinea-topia to the “amber waves” of wood shavings, one thing stands clear: that is, that in a world dominated by guinea pigs (or at least guinea-politics), the only thing we’d really be concerned about is making sure to pounce upon that next orange slice before Suzie Snickerdoodle!
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Membership Women have access to all features of for free. Men can join for free, but will need a paid membership in order to use some features of the site. Despite being free for women there is still a very high proportion of male users. Flirt ist ok. A few fake profiles (like everywhere), a few cam girls (like everywhere) and a few scammers (like everywhere) but generally the site seems to be real. Personally prefer because i’ve actually hooked up twice using it, but just wanted to try somethin’ new so decided to give Flirt a chance. I’m really glad that a friend of mine gave me the advice to register on Flirt to make my life more spicy. I wasn’t really going to have anything more than just a naughty chat but it turned out that there’s a nice lady in mt city who’s willing to date with me. I’m freaking happy now Cute looking site like many others however only here I’ve had 5 dates within 3 weeks after the start. Also I should note that flirt sometimes really hard to use and it’s taking some time to feel yourself comfortable during usage of it and actually it’s not because of gliches or something simply the pictures of buttons are obvious so sometimes you can find yourself on the page you haven’t wanted to open. However I should admit that in the end it worth all the troubles in the start.This site is bull****, it’s a total scam, the profiles of women are not even real they are all fake, when you create a profile and it becomes active they suck you in by sending you lots of messages and winks from so called women which are not even real and don’t actually exist and because you can’t read the messages as an unpaid member to be able to read the messages you have to subscribe and pay for a membership then once you do that and you respond to the messages you don’t get a reply back.This site claims that singles are in your area, but in truth that they live elsewhere. I had received a lot of mail from people that the site claimed were in my area, but they actually lived far away. Beware of scammers as well, I have found quite a bit of them on this whose profiles seemed to be processed quickly since their information is available. However, those members who may actually be real usually have the contents of their profile information pending.
I’ve seen a lot of scam activity on this site and very little actual people.Hi everyone. I didn’t have very high expectations of this sort of thing. However, I have loads of fun talking to people and an amazing amount of interest is being shown in me. Hope things will get even better when I add my photo, hehe 🙂 you guys better do this too, if you haven’t yet 😉 5*Great site! Met some great people and got chatting on the phone with a local using the ‘Talk Live’ feature. I wasn’t expecting much from the whole ‘online dating’ thing other than a bit of joking around and wind-ups, a lot of the feedback from web dating isn’t that reassuring. After signing up for a trial I had a lazy look around the site, but didn’t make much of it, it looks well designed and is easy to navigate, but the abundance of options was a bit overwhelming for a beginner like me. I didn’t go back to it until a few weeks later, I was bored and lonely on a Saturday afternoon and the reason that I joined a dating site became very much apparent again! So i had another crack at it and decided to try and get something out of it this time. After I made the effort to fill in my profile and what I was looking for in a match things got better very quickly. Got chatting with a member who at my request agreed to having a chat over the phone (this might scare some people or way or sound a bit forward, but the talk live feature uses an anonymous caller id so neither party’s numbers are given away, so it’s less of a big deal), and started up a bit of a regular thing with her! Maybe I’m lucky, or maybe it’s my good looks and charm;). Since then we’ve been on a couple of nights out together and get on well… I haven’t been online since! Fingers crossed!!!
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