St Andrews is the Best Place to Be During a Zombie Attack

By Editor 7 years ago

The Stand uncovers the most valuable attribute of our University.

St Andrews comes out as top in in the league tables and the latest rankings. However, in news that’s been under the radar, we’ve unknowingly scooped up another title; namely, the go-to University in surviving a zombie apocalypse.

Although zombies have been redefined again and again in popular culture, originating from viral to both fungi infections in many dystopian reimagining. The common assumption taking the image of typical slow-walking, human-eating variety. Apparently, intense research at the Studenthut.com and a lot of Google Map study (it’s all very scientific) of the St Andrews terrain has revealed that St Andrews gains an advantage that other universities lack: a easily defendable coast and many castles that will withstand the attack of said zombies.

Photo: The Walking Dead
Photo: The Walking Dead

St Andrews enjoys the title of being the “Guaranteed Success University to likely Survive the Zombie Apocalypse” alongside the University of Essex, with the runner up category “AS LONG AS YOU KEEP YOUR WITS ABOUT YOU, YOU’LL BE FINE” being taken by the Universities of Manchester, Manchester Met, Sheffield, Portsmouth, Warwick, Sheffield Hallam, Exeter and Hull.

Unfortunately, for those who go to Queen Mary, Oxford Brookes, Leeds, Goldsmiths and Birmingham, the declared chance of survival is nill. We wish you the best of luck!

So move over, Oxbridge. St Andrews gets to take the cake this time. For potential freshers, its time you took the zombie apocalypse rankings into deep consideration the next time you fill out your UCAS form. 

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