The Worst Dates You Will Go On In St Andrews

Yet another person to avoid in Tesco.

1. He’s a brand rep 

In hindsight, you should have caught on when he asked you to split the bill via Fixr. What you thought was a coffee date is actually an exercise in subliminal brainwashing – if the Yik Yak baseball cap he gave you in lieu of flowers can be called “subliminal.” Afterwards, you find yourself on the mailing lists for Yoyo Wallet and Tilt.

2. She’s writing a novel 

“It’s kind of Fitzgerald-esque, but more Paradise than Gatsby, if you know what I mean. The main character is addicted to the thrill of high society, but he also appreciates the struggle of the common man, so there are some Anna Karenina illusions in there. And after the apocalypse – sorry, I didn’t mention, there’s basically a worldwide disaster, but that’s all established in the prologue, very much reminiscent of The Road. He really loves this girl, who’s a metaphor for his own lost innocence, and obviously there’s a minor class struggle there. On top of that, they’re on opposite ‘reckoning groups’ – sorry, yeah, there are these things called ‘reckoning groups,’ which are subsets of the clans that people are placed into at birth, sort of like The Hunger Games but also totally different. And anyway, that’s why it’s all set in an aquarium.”

Photo: The Help

3. He’s the dentist who shot Cecil the Lion

His smile may be flawless, but his heart is blackened beyond repair. Prepare for an evening spent listening to Walter Palmer recount his past hunting trips, each more grisly than the last. Sure, he’ll probably pick up the check, but dating a social pariah would be a downer on any budding relationship. Also, isn’t he married?

4. She works there 

First dates are stressful. First dates are even more stressful when the entire restaurant staff is along for the ride. Between the constant, teasing enquiries of Are we celebrating anything special tonight? to your date’s lengthy gossip sessions at the hostess stand, you feel like an unwitting participant in a reality television show. The blow is cushioned by her employee discount, however you can’t help but sense this is your last time bringing a date here.

5. He’s using you as a warmup for his summer internship interview

Enjoy a night spent listening to a verbal CV. Your date is on track for a 2:1, he speaks four languages, he’s on the first football team, he paid for GIG and Investment Soc memberships, and he runs his own night at The Rule. By the time the mains are served, you can’t help but wonder if he’s trying to get into you, or Goldman Sachs.

Comments

comments

407 thoughts on “The Worst Dates You Will Go On In St Andrews

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  140. פוקר באינטרנט
    הימורי ספורטיביים – הימורים באינטרנט

    הימורי ספורטיביים הפכו לאחד הענפים הצומחים ביותר בהימור באינטרנט. משתתפים יכולים להמר על תוצאת של אירועים ספורטיביים מוכרים כמו כדור רגל, כדור סל, טניס ועוד. האופציות להימור הן רבות, כולל תוצאת המשחק, כמות השערים, מספר הפעמים ועוד. הבא דוגמאות של למשחקי נפוצים במיוחד שעליהם אפשרי להתערב:

    כדור רגל: ליגת האלופות, גביע העולם, ליגות אזוריות
    כדור סל: ליגת NBA, ליגת יורוליג, טורנירים בינלאומיים
    טניס: טורניר ווימבלדון, אליפות ארה”ב הפתוחה, אליפות צרפת הפתוחה
    פוקר באינטרנט – הימור ברשת

    פוקר ברשת הוא אחד מהמשחקים ההימורים הפופולריים ביותר בימינו. משתתפים יכולים להתחרות מול יריבים מכל רחבי העולם בסוגי וריאציות משחק , למשל Texas Hold’em, Omaha, Stud ועוד. ניתן לגלות טורנירים ומשחקי במבחר רמות ואפשרויות הימור מגוונות. אתרי הפוקר הטובים מציעים גם:

    מבחר רב של גרסאות פוקר
    תחרויות שבועיות וחודשיות עם פרסים כספיים גבוהים
    שולחנות למשחקים מהירים ולטווח ארוך
    תוכניות נאמנות ללקוחות ומועדוני VIP VIP יחודיות
    בטיחות והוגנות

    כאשר הבחירה בפלטפורמה להימורים ברשת, חשוב לבחור אתרים מורשים המפוקחים המציעים גם סביבה משחק בטוחה והגיונית. אתרים אלה עושים שימוש בטכנולוגיית אבטחה מתקדמות להגנה על מידע אישי ופיננסי, וכן בתוכנות מחולל מספרים אקראיים (RNG) כדי לוודא הגינות המשחקים במשחקי ההימורים.

    בנוסף, הכרחי לשחק גם בצורה אחראית תוך כדי הגדרת מגבלות אישיות הימור אישיות של השחקן. רוב האתרים מאפשרים גם לשחקנים להגדיר מגבלות הפסד ופעילות, וגם להשתמש ב- כלים נגד התמכרויות. שחק בתבונה ואל תרדפו גם אחר הפסדים.

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    ההימורים באינטרנט מציעים עולם שלם הזדמנויות מרתקות למשתתפים, מתחיל מקזינו אונליין וגם משחקי ספורט ופוקר באינטרנט. בעת בחירת פלטפורמת הימורים, חשוב לבחור אתרי הימורים המפוקחים המציעים סביבת משחק מאובטחת והגיונית. זכרו לשחק תמיד באופן אחראי תמיד ואחראי – ההימורים ברשת נועדו להיות מבדרים ומהנים ולא גם לגרום בעיות כלכליות או חברתיות.

  141. הימורי ספורט
    הימורי ספורט – הימור באינטרנט

    הימורי ספורט נעשו לאחד התחומים המשגשגים ביותר בהימורים ברשת. שחקנים יכולים להתערב על תוצאות של אירועים ספורטיביים נפוצים כמו כדורגל, כדורסל, משחק הטניס ועוד. האפשרויות להתערבות הן רבות, כולל תוצאת המשחק, מספר הגולים, כמות הפעמים ועוד. הבא דוגמאות למשחקים נפוצים שעליהם ניתן להתערב:

    כדור רגל: ליגת האלופות, מונדיאל, ליגות מקומיות
    כדורסל: ליגת NBA, ליגת יורוליג, תחרויות בינלאומיות
    משחק הטניס: טורניר ווימבלדון, אליפות ארה”ב הפתוחה, רולאן גארוס
    פוקר ברשת באינטרנט – הימורים ברשת

    פוקר ברשת הוא אחד מהמשחקים ההימור הפופולריים ביותר בימינו. שחקנים מסוגלים להתמודד מול יריבים מרחבי תבל במגוון סוגי של המשחק , כגון Texas Hold’em, אומהה, סטאד ועוד. אפשר למצוא טורנירים ומשחקי במבחר דרגות ואפשרויות שונות. אתרי הפוקר המובילים מציעים גם:

    מגוון רחב של גרסאות המשחק פוקר
    טורנירים שבועיים וחודשיות עם פרסים כספיים
    שולחנות המשחק למשחקים מהירים ולטווח הארוך
    תוכניות נאמנות ומועדוני VIP עם הטבות עם הטבות
    בטיחות ואבטחה והגינות

    בעת בוחרים בפלטפורמה להימורים ברשת, חשוב לבחור אתרים מורשים המפוקחים המציעים סביבת למשחק מאובטחת והוגנת. אתרים אלו עושים שימוש בטכנולוגיית הצפנה מתקדמות להגנה על מידע אישי ופיננסי, וגם באמצעות תוכנות גנרטור מספרים אקראיים (RNG) כדי להבטיח הגינות המשחקים במשחקי ההימורים.

    מעבר לכך, הכרחי לשחק גם באופן אחראי תוך הגדרת מגבלות אישיות הימור אישיות של השחקן. מרבית אתרי ההימורים מאפשרים גם לשחקנים להגדיר מגבלות להפסדים ופעילויות, וגם להשתמש ב- כלים נגד התמכרויות. שחק בחכמה ואל תרדפו גם אחרי הפסד.

    המדריך השלם למשחקי קזינו ברשת, משחקי ספורט ופוקר באינטרנט

    הימורים ברשת מציעים עולם שלם של של הזדמנויות מלהיבות למשתתפים, מתחיל מקזינו באינטרנט וגם משחקי ספורט ופוקר באינטרנט. בזמן הבחירה פלטפורמת הימורים, הקפידו לבחור גם אתרי הימורים המפוקחים המציעים סביבה משחק בטוחה והוגנת. זכרו לשחק תמיד בצורה אחראית תמיד – משחקי ההימורים ברשת אמורים להיות מבדרים ומהנים ולא ליצור לבעיות פיננסיות או גם חברתיות.

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