Covid-19 vs. the Club Sandwich
A tale of the club sandwich from inside the quarantine
Lockdown. Tumbleweed blows across Market Street. Boris has ordered us away from the pub. The Jigger Inn hath closed her doors for the foreseeable future. The sweet nectar of club has never seemed further away.
Fear not, the show must go on. As George Orwell once said “in times of universal deceit, making a club sandwich is a revolutionary act”. Or something like that. We budding clubsters will not be deprived of the one and only thing that can make the crippling paranoia of Covid-19 dissipate. Therefore, I present to you; the self-isolation, DIY club sandwich.
Despite being an avid student of club sandwichry for many a year, I am conscious to get this right. I consult a YouTube video of John Torode (aka the one no one likes from Masterchef) demonstrating how to make the dream club. He outlines the essentials; serve cold, no butter and ensure that one ingredient doesn’t dominate. As I often say, it’s all about the ratios.
Furthermore, I decide to enlist some help. Enter Anna Claudia Clarke. Mine and Anna’s blossoming relationship is built on two key tenets; her culinary ability and my pish patter. A natural division of labour is therefore formed- she’ll do the cooking, I’ll do the writing. I inform her that my review will be firm but fair. She gives me a look that suggests that if I give her a bad write-up, she will engage in some severe social distancing towards me. If she expects me to sacrifice my neutrality when reviewing sandwiches so as to stay out of the doghouse, she has another thing coming.
Tesco. Ingredients. The hoarders have yet to get their hands on the essentials required to make the club. Hellman’s Mayo, Warburtons toastie bread, cold chicken breast, a packet of bacon, eggs, some lettuce and a big-boi tomato are fired into the basket. Total price: £9.15, working out at £2.29 per sandwich. You can’t argue with that value.
And so it begins. Clarke opts to grill the bread instead of toasting, which I am instructed to keep an eye on. She then fries off two rashers of bacon and boils an egg, slicing the latter using an egg slicer someone gave her for her 21st birthday (who invited them?). After the -perfectly grilled (might I add) bread is retrieved, the assembly process begins. As you all know by now, there’s little glory to be had in going easy on the mayo and she lathers the stuff on- a woman after my own heart.
The result is a joy to behold- sumptuous, juicy and thiccccc. I know just from looking that it is going to be a mammoth task to tuck away this bad boy. The presentation is simple yet elegant, garnished with some Kettle Chips and, of course, slaw.
However, good presentation does not maketh a sandwich, the flavour has got to be there also. And boy-oh-boy the result is gosh diddle darn good. Firstly, it is assembled to perfection and only a tiny shrapnel of tomato falls, impressive given the sheer size of the club. Furthermore, the bacon has the premium amount of crisp, providing a smoky flavour to proceedings. The bread is perfect, not too doughy but not unnecessarily crispy, a common faux pas which dries out the sandwich something chronic. Egg is often a banana skin but not so here- half a boiled egg in each of our sandwiches is the perfect amount and allows for a variation in flavour that is well received in the Coulter gullet.
Alas, all is not perfect. The chicken, a cheap Tesco variety, would have been better chopped and grilled, an oversight. Furthermore, to our shame, the club falls foul to the most treacherous ideology known to man; mayo-conservatism. It was not intended, Anna yielded the Hellman’s like a woman possessed but somehow it came up short. I would like to take this time to apologise to all the chefs I have criticised for under-naising- it is indeed harder to get those all-important ratios right than we expected. Despite these drawbacks, the overall experience was overwhelmingly positive and will only get better with practice!
There you have it folks, hope is not lost. Out of desperation, happiness can be found in the most unlikely of places. For now I want you all to forget about the advice issued by government, NHS or academic community. I have a free prescription for you. Over the next few weeks things will get tough and morale will be low. At this point, I urge you to do what you know is right; fire up the toaster, get the frying pan on and spread that mayo thick, baby. The result will be enough to cure the most virulent of pandemics.
Be good to yourselves, look after your loved ones and let the club do the rest. God bless.
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I have really learned result-oriented things from your blog post. One more thing to I have found is that usually, FSBO sellers are going to reject an individual. Remember, they’d prefer to not ever use your services. But if you maintain a stable, professional relationship, offering help and staying in contact for around four to five weeks, you will usually be capable to win an interview. From there, a house listing follows. Cheers
Thanks for the interesting things you have unveiled in your post. One thing I’d like to touch upon is that FSBO human relationships are built over time. By bringing out yourself to the owners the first weekend their FSBO is actually announced, prior to masses start calling on Mon, you create a good association. By giving them instruments, educational components, free accounts, and forms, you become an ally. By subtracting a personal interest in them along with their problem, you produce a solid link that, many times, pays off if the owners opt with a realtor they know and trust – preferably you.
I have observed that over the course of developing a relationship with real estate managers, you’ll be able to get them to understand that, in each and every real estate exchange, a commission rate is paid. In the end, FSBO sellers really don’t “save” the percentage. Rather, they fight to win the commission through doing a good agent’s work. In completing this task, they expend their money as well as time to execute, as best they will, the jobs of an realtor. Those tasks include displaying the home through marketing, introducing the home to all buyers, developing a sense of buyer desperation in order to prompt an offer, booking home inspections, controlling qualification inspections with the lender, supervising fixes, and facilitating the closing of the deal.
I’ve learned some new things from your blog post. One other thing to I have recognized is that normally, FSBO sellers can reject people. Remember, they would prefer not to ever use your companies. But if a person maintain a stable, professional relationship, offering assistance and remaining in contact for about four to five weeks, you will usually have the ability to win a meeting. From there, a listing follows. Thanks a lot
I have realized that over the course of making a relationship with real estate homeowners, you’ll be able to come to understand that, in most real estate transaction, a commission amount is paid. In the long run, FSBO sellers really don’t “save” the commission. Rather, they struggle to win the commission by simply doing a great agent’s occupation. In doing this, they invest their money as well as time to perform, as best they can, the assignments of an adviser. Those tasks include exposing the home by marketing, offering the home to prospective buyers, constructing a sense of buyer urgency in order to induce an offer, organizing home inspections, managing qualification check ups with the bank, supervising repairs, and facilitating the closing of the deal.
Thanks for your article. One other thing is when you are marketing your property yourself, one of the difficulties you need to be mindful of upfront is how to deal with property inspection reports. As a FSBO supplier, the key towards successfully shifting your property along with saving money with real estate agent commission rates is know-how. The more you know, the better your home sales effort will be. One area where by this is particularly vital is inspection reports.
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