Covid-19 vs. the Club Sandwich

By Editor 4 years ago

A tale of the club sandwich from inside the quarantine

Lockdown. Tumbleweed blows across Market Street. Boris has ordered us away from the pub. The Jigger Inn hath closed her doors for the foreseeable future. The sweet nectar of club has never seemed further away.

Fear not, the show must go on. As George Orwell once said “in times of universal deceit, making a club sandwich is a revolutionary act”. Or something like that. We budding clubsters will not be deprived of the one and only thing that can make the crippling paranoia of Covid-19 dissipate. Therefore, I present to you; the self-isolation, DIY club sandwich.

Despite being an avid student of club sandwichry for many a year, I am conscious to get this right. I consult a YouTube video of John Torode (aka the one no one likes from Masterchef) demonstrating how to make the dream club. He outlines the essentials; serve cold, no butter and ensure that one ingredient doesn’t dominate. As I often say, it’s all about the ratios.

Furthermore, I decide to enlist some help. Enter Anna Claudia Clarke. Mine and Anna’s blossoming relationship is built on two key tenets; her culinary ability and my pish patter. A natural division of labour is therefore formed- she’ll do the cooking, I’ll do the writing. I inform her that my review will be firm but fair. She gives me a look that suggests that if I give her a bad write-up, she will engage in some severe social distancing towards me. If she expects me to sacrifice my neutrality when reviewing sandwiches so as to stay out of the doghouse, she has another thing coming.

Source: Steph Coulter

Tesco. Ingredients. The hoarders have yet to get their hands on the essentials required to make the club. Hellman’s Mayo, Warburtons toastie bread, cold chicken breast, a packet of bacon, eggs, some lettuce and a big-boi tomato are fired into the basket. Total price: £9.15, working out at £2.29 per sandwich. You can’t argue with that value.

And so it begins. Clarke opts to grill the bread instead of toasting, which I am instructed to keep an eye on. She then fries off two rashers of bacon and boils an egg, slicing the latter using an egg slicer someone gave her for her 21st birthday (who invited them?). After the -perfectly grilled (might I add) bread is retrieved, the assembly process begins. As you all know by now, there’s little glory to be had in going easy on the mayo and she lathers the stuff on- a woman after my own heart.

The result is a joy to behold- sumptuous, juicy and thiccccc. I know just from looking that it is going to be a mammoth task to tuck away this bad boy. The presentation is simple yet elegant, garnished with some Kettle Chips and, of course, slaw.

Source: Steph Coulter

However, good presentation does not maketh a sandwich, the flavour has got to be there also. And boy-oh-boy the result is gosh diddle darn good. Firstly, it is assembled to perfection and only a tiny shrapnel of tomato falls, impressive given the sheer size of the club. Furthermore, the bacon has the premium amount of crisp, providing a smoky flavour to proceedings. The bread is perfect, not too doughy but not unnecessarily crispy, a common faux pas which dries out the sandwich something chronic. Egg is often a banana skin but not so here- half a boiled egg in each of our sandwiches is the perfect amount and allows for a variation in flavour that is well received in the Coulter gullet.

Alas, all is not perfect. The chicken, a cheap Tesco variety, would have been better chopped and grilled, an oversight. Furthermore, to our shame, the club falls foul to the most treacherous ideology known to man; mayo-conservatism. It was not intended, Anna yielded the Hellman’s like a woman possessed but somehow it came up short. I would like to take this time to apologise to all the chefs I have criticised for under-naising- it is indeed harder to get those all-important ratios right than we expected. Despite these drawbacks, the overall experience was overwhelmingly positive and will only get better with practice!

There you have it folks, hope is not lost. Out of desperation, happiness can be found in the most unlikely of places. For now I want you all to forget about the advice issued by government, NHS or academic community. I have a free prescription for you. Over the next few weeks things will get tough and morale will be low. At this point, I urge you to do what you know is right; fire up the toaster, get the frying pan on and spread that mayo thick, baby. The result will be enough to cure the most virulent of pandemics.

Source: Steph Coulter

Be good to yourselves, look after your loved ones and let the club do the rest. God bless.

 

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62 thoughts on “Covid-19 vs. the Club Sandwich”

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  40. 주식신용
    로드스탁과 레버리지 스탁: 투자 전략의 신규 분야

    로드스탁을 통해 제공하는 레버리지 스탁은 주식 투자의 한 방법으로, 높은 이익율을 목적으로 하는 투자자들을 위해 유혹적인 선택입니다. 레버리지를 사용하는 이 방법은 투자자가 자신의 투자금을 초과하는 투자금을 투입할 수 있도록 하여, 증권 시장에서 더 큰 영향력을 가질 수 있는 기회를 제공합니다.

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    레버리지 스탁은 상당한 수익을 제공하지만, 그만큼 상당한 위험성 따릅니다. 증권 장의 변동성은 예상이 곤란하기 때문에, 레버리지를 사용할 때는 늘 상장 동향을 정밀하게 관찰하고, 손해를 최소화할 수 있는 방법을 구성해야 합니다.

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    로드스탁을 통해 공급하는 레버리지 방식의 스탁은 효과적인 투자 수단이며, 적절히 사용하면 큰 이익을 제공할 수 있습니다. 그렇지만 큰 위험도 생각해 봐야 하며, 투자 결정은 충분히 많은 사실과 신중한 고려 후에 진행되어야 합니다. 투자자 본인의 재정 상황, 위험 수용 능력, 그리고 시장 상황을 반영한 안정된 투자 계획이 중요하며.

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