How to Exercise for Free in St Andrews

Confirmed: sprinting for Dervish at 1:59 am counts as exercise.

It’s common knowledge that a gym membership at the sports centre ain’t cheap. It’s also common knowledge that exercise is a necessary activity if you want to look good, feel great, and generally enjoy life and stuff. So how can we exercise in St Andrews without spending any money? Good question, reader, for I have all the answers! Well, some of the answers. I tried, ok?

Live outside the three streets

“What?” cry the students in Mcintosh, Sallies and Regs. “I beg your pardon?” exclaim the rich kids living in a three bedroom flat on Market Street. “There’s a St Andrews beyond this?” asks a little first year fresher, with the tag still on her University of St Andrews hoodie. It’s a known fact that it’s pretty damn convenient living in the centre of town, with everything so close by (including the safety and comfort of your bed after a long night out at the Vic), but it’s also a known fact that walking is pretty good for you. So treat yo-self to an extra couple of thousands steps by living out in the Badlands – or just at Albany Park. Plus, you’ll probably even save money this way. It’s a win-win!

Cross the roundabout on Doubledykes Road the dodgy way

A sure-fire way to get your heart pumping is by crossing this roundabout the Xtreme way – by sprinting to the safety of the island, then sprinting again to the footpath. The rush of adrenaline from the sound of blaring horns and curses from taxi drivers is enough to burn off whatever it was you ate before you blacked out last night.

Be late to everything. Always.

Speaking of heart pumping activities, want to really get your blood rushing? Be late to everything. There’s nothing like that cardiac-arrest-y feeling you get from the panic of trying to find your keys before you leave, the exhaustion from the powerwalk (not sprinting – I have standards) to class, and the increased anxiety from seeing the time tick over to 2:06 as you pray they haven’t taken attendance yet. Or maybe that’s just me.

Forgo the lift up to the Beacon Bar

Not one for young players, one way to get thicc like Kim K is by taking the stairs up to the Beacon Bar at the Union instead of taking the lift. A challenge, I know, but think of it as a pre-emptive fat-burning exercise routine for your body before you pile it with gin and tonics until it can’t move.

Wear all of your coats in the library

A sauna is a great way for your body to repair itself through sweating profusely in a very hot room. Think of the library as the same as a sauna. After walking a hecking long way to class, crossing the roundabout dangerously, and hiking up all those stairs to the silent section, treat yourself to a bit of sauna therapy by just piling on all your coats and sitting in the over-heated library for a bit. Just make sure the sweat dripping off your nose doesn’t hit the table too loudly – it might distract the person sitting opposite you. And it is the silent section, after all.



2,518 thoughts on “How to Exercise for Free in St Andrews

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